My Story 18.1

This post is a little different. Here I will talk about some of the reasons I ended up leaving Holland.

Let me begin in 1949, high school. I was not very good in some subjects, especially German. I refused to study that and revive memories of the war. But, on the other hand it was a required subject in the MULO. I sat in the back of the class and the girl in front of me, Hennie, frequently helped me with that subject. On the other hand , she was next to clueless in algebra and geometry, in which I excelled! We developed a nice relationship. One day Hennie's best friend, Corrie, invited me to go out as a foursome. We were all into sport and Freddie, Corrie, Hennie and I had many wonderful outings together.

Soon Hennie and I were dating, and spending much time together. It feels great when such a pretty, popular girl accepts you and thinks you are wonderful. I thought she was great too, and I respected her. We eventually graduated together, and we continued our relationship after school was finished and we both had jobs. After about eighteen months, we both felt that it was getting boring. On my 19 th birthday I was expecting her to drop by, but she never showed up. I went to her house, and we talked for about two hours, talking and laughing about the nice times we had together. We mutually decided not to see each other for two weeks.

After two weeks I was back looking for her, but to my surprise she said NO. I cannot tell you how that hurt me. I know that I was not ready for a serious commitment, I had been rather selfish at times. But I never knew that this rejection could hurt that much. Many times after that I got on my bike and rode the streets where we had biked together. Many times I just let go and cried, nobody watching. Many times it was softly raining; God crying with me. At that time I first heard the song :"Blue eyes crying in the rain". That was me. Since we broke up on my birthday I decided that I would not celebrate my birthday again until I had a new Love! For years after that, I always made a dentist appointment on my birthday!

Later my buddy "Ome Jan" called me a "sentimentele ouwe gek" (sentimental old fool) Loneliness followed. The long evenings in the army did not help either. Even to this date it is just stamped on my subconscious," nothing is worse than being alone". When Trudy visits the grand children out of town, that is still my first re-action.

I could not stand seeing the places again where Hennie and I were together. I had to get out of this Hennie Territory. That was one of the main factors that made me think about emigration. Another factor, by the way, was a lack of housing. Friends who married had to move into the attic of their parents place. As for Hennie, and this is almost 60 years ago now, and I must admit there is still a bit of residual love for her tucked away in a secret corner of my heart." I wonder if she thinks of me each time I think of her......"

Strange, is it not, that God can still use stuff like that to mold your future.